Last night me and my husband went out to dinner. The night before that, we got in a fight (which started because he wouldn’t tell me what kind of apples he wanted while we were at the grocery store, and I flipped my lid for no reason. I guess if this is the worst of our problems, we’ll be OK) and sat in separate rooms for a couple of hours. This is only noteworthy because the two rooms of my apartment are separated by french doors, which means we can still see each other. This means I have to remember to glare into the other room every time I look up, instead of letting the closed door symbolize that for me. Why can’t being in a rage for no reason be simple? Geez.
26th birthday scrapple cake, that's how much I love scrapple.
Returning to the actual story, to celebrate our day off we went to dinner at a local bar whose best known menu item is called The Shame Burger. It’s a burger topped with homemade scrapple and a fried egg. For all of you scrapple haters out there, you can save your breathe, cause that sh*t is delicious. However, homemade scrapple is something even I am wary about. If you know anything about scrapple at all, you too would wonder why anyone would want to make it themselves. Some things are better off eaten unawares, if you ask me. I opted for a burger with goat cheese and mushrooms, which was sadly not delicious.
hat, ugh.
Returning, again, to the actual story, we walk into the bar, and the place is packed, but there is one four top table left open in the corner, next to a table of grownups. I’m not 100% sure what the age is that one becomes a grownup, but this group definitely was, and I am definitely not. As we approached the empty table, I noticed that a large brimmed hat and coat are sitting on one of the chairs. I walk towards the chair next to it, thinking that this 60ish year old man who is clearly the owner of the stuff will make a motion to move it away, at which time I would have said “You can leave it there, no problem, we don’t need that seat”. Instead, the guy pretends like he doesn’t even see us sitting down, and leaves his coat and enormous hat on the chair at what is now someone else’s table. I was immediately enraged. The longer we sat there, the more angry I became because this guy was a total jackhole. Everything he said was loud and pretentious and obnoxious, and he kept lifting his glass to get the waitresses attention in a way that made me want to break the stem off and slam it in his eye. As if all of this weren’t bad enough, at one point he looked around his table, decided it was too crowded and moved their entire condiment holder (which was a fancy beer six pack holder, yay for recycling) ON TO OUR TABLE. As if we weren’t even sitting there! I stared at it in horror like someone had put an entire rancid carcass on our table, and dude didn’t even blink an eye. OHMYGOSSSSSHHHHHH. He totally could have played this off like “Hey, did you guys order food? Here you go, that orange sauce is pretty good!”. Nope, he just continued to pretend we weren’t there. To make matters even worse, quizzo started shortly after this. If I thought this guy was annoying before there was a game being played, man, was I in for a treat. This guy kept shouting at the man running the game to move things along or collect the answers or give better instructions, since obviously he was the king of the bar.
While normally I do my best to respect my elders, I am leaving this one up to karma and hoping that retribution comes quickly. You should also make a mental note to move your coat and giant hat if ever you see me approaching, or I will sic the fates on you as well.
I also have to publicly apologize to my husband, who was the only person in range who I could take out my anger on. I’m sorry for yelling at you for not talking loud enough, when really I wanted to yell at the guy next to me for talking too loudly. I’m also sorry you fell down on the way home and I laughed about it, a lot.
